Keep Telling Yourself...

You think it's all smiles, dimples, laughs and fun
You read all the books, you read every one

You think and you plan, you scrimp and you save
She's seven months now, you try to behave

Gone are the days of women and wine
You tell yourself it will all be fine

Her days are getting long now, she needs her rest
You don't know what she wants, but you do your best

The day has come! You drive like hell
Your friends and family wish you well

A Boy or a girl? You say you don't mind
You secretly hope he's the masculine kind

The time has finally come, the moment of truth
The end of your innocence, release of your youth

You come down the hall, you hold high your son
Back slaps and high fives from everyone

You buckle the car seat, you know just what to do, this is it
A year goes by, she's pregnant, you realize... you don't know shit

--

I had lunch the other day next to this doe eyed couple who were clearly very proud of themselves for taking their brand new baby out of the house for the first time.  Just made me think of how naive I was at that time too.

When does lack of sex kill a marriage?

To the Ladies:  Ok, you've had a couple of kids and your body isn't exactly what it used to be.  Despite that, you've worked out pretty hard, done your best, and your husband has never looked at you with more desire than he is right now.  What's stopping you from actually being a woman again?  Why can't you ever feel sexy again?  And even if you think you look like an elephant, how do you not recognize the high value your man places on sex and try to make something work?

To the Gentlemen:  How long will you deal with a wife who has zero sexual interest in you?  More than that, when you crawl into bed and put your hands on her, she grabs them and thrusts them away.  You have kids with her, share a life with her, still love her, but no sex.  Ok, not no sex, maybe worse.  The two times a month that she does tolerate sex with you, she looks like she's building a shopping list in her head.

What the hell do I do?

Don’t bother rekindling your marriage … create something new

Great Article.

Don’t bother rekindling your marriage … create something new

FIVE FOR FIGHTING - ALL I KNOW LYRICS

This song could save a marriage.



FIVE FOR FIGHTING - ALL I KNOW LYRICS

I bruise you 
You bruise me 
We both bruise so easily 
Too easily to let it show 
I love you, and thats all I know 

And all my plans 
keep falling through 
All my plans they 
Depend on you 
Depend on you 
To help them grow 
I love you 
And thats all I know 

When the singer's gone 
Let the song go on 
It's a fine line between 
The darkness and the dawn 

They say in the darkest night 
Theres a light beyond 
And the ending always 
Comes at last 
Endings always 
Come too fast 
They come too fast 
And they pass too slow 
I love you 
And thats all, its really all I know 
Its all I know 

Its all I know 

Does God come to us through strangers?

I had the strangest night tonight... I don't go to church. It's not a thing for me that ever really took hold. One thing that did stick with me from high school though, was to always look for Christ in others. For the most part, I've found this to be an incredible load of BS. But there are a few times in my life where I think, I don't know, maybe.

Tonight was such a night.

I was out with friends at a wine bar celebrating the departure of one our co-workers who's moving out of state. At first it started out as just friends from work. We did the usual thing where we ate, drank, and overall had a good time. At the end of the night however, there was this couple who slid into our booth out of nowhere. To be honest, it was a bit of an imposition. We were sort of winding down and getting ready to leave but in they slide, ready to party.

They are clearly of the exact age of our parents. They start shooting off stories about the times they shared at our age. I'm bored as usual.

Then he says a couple things that I can't shake. Three rules: don't ever waste an erection, don't ever pass a bathroom, and never trust a fart. I know, dumb shit you can find on the side of a bathroom stall or in an Irish folk song. Whatever, it got my wine soaked attention.

He ordered two bottles of red and a bottle of white, and glasses for all of his new friends; clearly communicating his intention to stay awhile. At $10 a glass, who were we to rush out? Then the wife quietly orders every appetizer on the menu... I think literally. We greedily devour the food as he continues too fill our glasses.

I listen to him and continue to think, this guy is the typical blowhard I see at the yacht club or an "Executive" in a meeting. He tells us of the money he's had, and lost etc. Then he changes pace a little bit and does something I like to do sometimes. He poses a provocative question and goes around the table and lets everyone answer individually. When I do it, I like it to force someone to reveal something substantial about themselves, even if the question seems innocuous. Call me strange, you won't be the first, but I like to ask people if they would be vampires given the choice. I feel that the answer tells me if they are happy or not in their current life. If you're happy, why not live eternally? Miserable? Why would I want to be immortal?

This guy asked a pretty innocent question: What's the coolest place you've ever been? I didn't pick an obvious answer. I didn't say, in the delivery room when my kids were born. I didn't say, my wedding. I didn't even chose a time in college which I openly proclaim to be the best years of my life to date. Instead, I spoke of Fraiser Island. I expounded about a beach overlooking mainland Australia as the sun went down, revealing stars I'd never seen before on an island where power had been cut. The rest of the story I keep to myself. The fact is, what made that night so great was the fact that I was there on that beach with a girl who I thought, no I was, falling in love with. I know, 15 years old, what could I know about love... but isn't that the strongest kind? You don't know better. You know no responsibility. That new experience is the most important thing in your life.

Of course the whole story is a lie. The most exciting place I'd ever been was a day or two later when I woke up on the balcony of a hotel in Sydney as the sun rose. I opened my eyes for the first time next to a girl who was not a virgin and who liked me very much. Being in bed with her the night before, my vision blurred as it has done only one other time since, as I put my hand up her shirt to caress the largest tits I've ever touched to date... But I found the beach thing to be more table appropriate.

From there, the wife couldn't stop making eye contact. Not so much in a sexual way, but in a way that indicated, maybe I understood the purpose of the evening. The husband droned on as a proud Papa about his daughter and her recent scholarship. Then he said something else that seemed oddly ancient in its wisdom. He said, "you guys are still at the age where you think money matters." I tried to stop from laughing out loud but I'm not sure I did. He re-filled my wine glass right away. He continued to explain that life really has nothing to do with your bank account or what possessions you have. He was clear that he had not always maintained this truth. He saved his whole life to pay for his kids to go to school, then she earned a full scholarship. In the end he had a bunch of money but really valued the time he was spending with us, his new friends, right there, in the moment more than he did the dollars in his bank account. "I can't take the money with me, and there are only so many minutes left in my life where I can spend it enjoying good food, good wine, and good company."

I felt that I should just cry right there at the table. All I do is work and try to bring in more money to make it easier to be happy. Meanwhile, my kids are growing up and I don't really know them. What's wrong with me?

The night carried on without much more adieu. Eventually, the wine was empty, his daughter was calling, and they had to go. They joked that they had to go foot the bill for some other kids but it was in very good humor I remarked multiple times of their generosity and they rolled it right off their back, like they didn't even hear. The wife doled out big hugs as she said goodbye to us, but when she got to me, she kissed me right on the lips. Again, not in any sort of a sexual way, almost with a motherly affection. I told her she was a blessing, very out of character for me. She again ignored my acknowledgments and asked if she could get us anything else before she left. We thanked her profusely and bid them a lovely evening. As he wrapped his arm around her, he said to her privately, "come on, let's go party."

I still don't know their names.

I think what I'll miss the most off the evening is watching her watch him. You could tell she'd heard the stories a thousand times at a thousand other tables. Nonetheless, she looked at him with admiration, as though she was listening for the first time. I miss seeing that our of the corner of my eye.

Politics: Does it bring your marriage closer or is it a wedge?

Watching the republican debate has inspired me to pose this question.  For me, politics is a pet passion.  I love watching the debates, town hall meetings, posturing etc., especially on the Presidential level.  My wife is not interested in politics which doesn't bother me.  I wouldn't want to introduce yet another strain on our marriage should we disagree.  When it comes up, she seems to agree with me, but presumably only because she's only listening to my point of view.

I imagine that if we were to disagree on politics it would become a major wedge in our relationship.  Some of the issues; abortion, welfare, war, speak directly to the character of a person in my opinion.

What's your experience with politics in your relationships?

Scheduled Sex

With age, comes compromise. I used to love laughing at couples who found it necessary to actually schedule sex with their partner. How unromantic and lame can a couple get?

Years of marriage and two kids later I've learned that scheduled sex is better than no sex at all. Where's my calendar?